5 Tips to Process Through the Emotions of Being a New Dad

When you find out that your significant other is pregnant, you may feel joy, excitement, fear, and even a little overwhelmed. You may feel the need to share this information with friends and family immediately. Or you may want to process this information first before sharing.

Whatever the case may be, pregnancy is a life-changing event and emotions are different for everyone.
Just know that whatever emotion you might be feeling, it is normal and thousands of dads felt this way before you.

To help you process this new life-changing information, we’ve compiled a list of our top 5 tips to help you feel less overwhelmed and more confident. So let’s get started…

Communication is Key

First things first, communication is key! Now is the perfect time to communicate with your partner about how you are feeling. Do you need time to process this news before making it public? Better to speak up than having her wondering why you are not happy or even supportive.

Figure 1. Source: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/man-city-adult-thinking-worry-5112777/.

Studies done in 2016 on Father’s mental health during pregnancy and the first postnatal year, had surprising results. Most fathers diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression were reluctant to communicate their emotional needs. They felt that their feelings were not significant and suppressed the need for an intervention. This took an enormous toll on them, their work, and their family life^[1].

That is why, open honesty is truly the best policy when it comes to communicating about your emotions. As soon as you know each other’s feelings, you can build on this unity.

Know What You Don’t Know

Reading up on the practical aspects of pregnancy, birth, and parenting can be a great help. Knowledge is power and it will help you come to terms with the reality of having a child. At the same time, you will be slaying the irrational monsters in your head.

There are plenty of helpful pregnancy resources that The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) has available, like:

These are all very good resources that can help you prepare yourself for the new addition to your family. It can also be helpful for you and your significant other to read up on the same topics together and discuss them afterward.

If both of you are first-time parents, she probably also has a ton of insecurities and fears. Working together could make it feel less overwhelming to both of you.

Working as a Team

When processing through all these resources, it is a great time for you and your partner to get on the same page. Try to communicate your expectations on things like sex, finances, breastfeeding, vaginal birth vs cesarean, and so on. As soon as there is unity in your approach to parenting, you will feel more confident and ready to take on the Dad challenge.

Getting a Support Network

Another tip for this new life adventure would be to get a good support group.Talking to friends or family members who are already in the father role can be a great help. Even better if it is someone a bit older and who you admire as a Family man. They will have great insights and will be able to give you practical advice. Never underestimate the valuable nib bits of good old experience!

This is also the advice of Rebecca Minor, a gender specialist and part-time faculty at Boston University specializing in the intersection of gender and sexuality. She adds that “engaging in conversations with like-minded individuals can help alleviate fears^[2].”

You Are Irreplaceable…

Let’s face it, women have no small task when it comes to carrying a child for 9 months and then actually giving birth to the child.
Most resources focus on getting Mommy ready and preparing her for the enormous changes her body and life will face. But you, soon-to-be Dad, also have a cardinal role to play!
According to the Association of Child Psychotherapists 2020, fathers make a vital contribution to their child’s development. When the father is physically (or emotionally) absent, there is a huge impact on the child’s development. This can be in social, emotional, or even physical aspects^[3].

Understanding your vital role from the moment of conception can be a crucial step in preparing yourself for this new role as a father.

There You Have It!

Communication with your significant other is a great way to embark on your new adventure as a father. As soon as you’re on the same page, acquiring new knowledge from various resources can be a great help! Reach out to other fathers in the field and ask questions. A beers-and-babies “date” will set you in the right mind space without a doubt.

Lastly, have grace with yourself!
No one was instantly the perfect dad the moment they found out their partner was pregnant. That’s why you have 9 months to prepare your mind and heart for this amazing adventure.

Once you’ve learned to embrace the change, you will be cracking Dad jokes in no time!

^[1] (https://rdcu.be/digLa)

^[2] https://www.verywellmind.com/dads-and-mental-health-survey-7508964

^[3] https://childpsychotherapy.org.uk/resources-families/understanding-childhood/fathers-understanding-vitalrole-fathers-father-figures#:~:text=Dads%20really%20do%20matter.,contribution%20to%20their%20children’s%20development.